Marriage in Thailand - Some Caveats and Observations

Caveats

So that guy wasn't really you?

Fair enough. For every person who has come to Thailand for an extended period, you will probably get 3 opinions.

• First impressions
• When he has it all figured out
• When he realizes what he knew was simply his expectations and false hopes.

Some suggestions and opinions follow, mostly based on short term observations. I commuted for 6 years then moved to Thailand "permanently" in 1996. I don't mean to sound caustic in my opinions below, just realistic. And remember, these are only opinions and the scope of my observations are limited.

The old saying "marry in haste, repent in leisure" must surely have been coined for western men coming to Thailand to find love. Too many men marry too quickly to women with whom they cannot communicate at any level beyond urges, food and beer.

• Wait a while. Require yourself to pursue a minimum of a 3 month full-time resident courtship. Even better, require yourself to have lived continually in Thailand for a year before taking a live-in girlfriend or wife.
• However you do it, make sure she isn't married.
• Use the 3 months to do some formal intensive language study.
• Find a neighborhood where you can live comfortably on your regular income.
• Try to make some "normal" Thai friends. Don't rely on bar girls and barflies as your inner circle.
• If you decide to marry a bar girl, know what you may encounter. Read Steven Leather's "Private Dancer".
• If you decide to build a house, build it where you want it and before you get married.

And Then We Decided to Build a House

You stand a much better chance of long term domestic tranquility if you build you house before you take a wife. Secondly, many old hands recommend taking your wife out of her region and into a region where she is a stranger.

K-1 and K3 Visa service

If you put your land and house in your wife's name, and your marriage goes bad, you will most likely lose 100% of your investment. That dream house on the beach can be heaven or hell. You stand a better chance for heaven if you:

• Don't build the house in your wife's village. Ignore the pressure from family.
• Don't build the house within an easy commute to your wife's village. Ignore the pressure from family.
• Build a small house that doesn't have enough room for visiting family. Put up visitors in a guest house or hotel.
• Consider a long term (30 year) land lease rather than putting the land in your wife's name. Very few westerner-Thai marriages last 30 years.
• If you decide to put the land in your wife's name, get an attorney recommended by your embassy and have him draw up a long term lease between you and your wife.
• CAUTION: a "long term" lease that is not registered at the land department (and taxes paid on the transaction) is not valid for 30 years.